Act Like Men!

Posted on March 18, 2016 by Pastor Ron

Coal Miner 1I wanted to re-post an article (Men, Bear the Burden Day After Day) by Pastor Peter Jones. I came across it this week and it captures my heart for men as they grow in Christ-likeness from degree to degree. It also kicked me in the tail end to make sure I’m acting like a man. I hope it annoys you and challenges much of how you view family, work, and responsibilities! Give it a read and then continue here.

Last night at community group we were discussing the current cultural shift to see idleness, entertainment, “me-time”, and even family leisure time as a right that responsibilities and work simply interfere with. The complaints of, “we didn’t get to go to the beach today”, or “I had to work a little extra so I couldn’t . . .” are often used to express the idol of comfort and leisure. Work and responsibilities were given BEFORE the fall and are part of the purpose God has given us as men. The are ways we contribute to society and lead our families. It is seeing what needs to be done then standing up and doing it!

Even in families, we forget that our children need to see us work hard and fulfill our responsibilities. Those actions communicate a work ethic that must be passed on to every generation as it does not come naturally! When my kids see me work and minister, I am passing on the truth that life is not about me, but loving God and others by contributing to God’s kingdom and the lives of those around me through work. This is absolutely essential to raising kids that are others-focused rather than self-focused. It tears at my heart when I’m leaving for work and my kids are hugging and saying, “Please don’t go to work today daddy.” But that is a phenomenal teaching moment to share why we work, how important it is and how we are called by God to serve others. Ok, my wife also asks them if they like to eat and live in a house!

Can diligence at work go to far? Absolutely! Many have made work on idol and profoundly damaged their family by neglecting them. However, this does not make work the enemy that we grudgingly do, put in as few hours as possible and then compartmentalize away from the rest of life. That too is not a biblical theology of work. (I’m reading through the Gospel at Work and look forward to reviewing it here with more ideas on a theology of work.) Work cannot be our idol, but making idleness (leisure) an idol also damages the family. Men, we need to hear the overwhelming wisdom from the generation before us that is concerned about our ability to work hard and diligently. For the sake of your kids, work hard AND spend great time with them. As Paul says in 1 Cor 16:13, “Act Like Men!”

Take a read of the post by Pastor Jones here based on Elisabeth Elliot’s book, The Mark of a Man.

 

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Prioritizing Family Worship

Posted on March 9, 2016 by Pastor Ron

family

In the theme of family worship, here is a post from Donald Whitney summarizing 5 reasons to prioritize family worship. It’s a good read and a good motivator! Praying for you men this week that you are able to spend some time with your family reading, praying, and singing!

5-reasons to prioritize family worship

 

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Family Worship is Simple

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Pastor Ron

Family Worship

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Family Worship

Posted on March 2, 2016 by Pastor Ron

familyworship

Family Worship. Family Devotions. These words bring up many emotions in husband and fathers. Some feel shame from failure. Some feel fear of ridicule or that they won’t “do it right.” Some have tried and are leery of starting up again because it reminds them they stopped before. For some, it might just be feeling overwhelmed at trying to fit one more thing into a busy life. One husband confided in me that he was afraid his wife would criticize his efforts and it wasn’t worth it. Whatever the thoughts, many men shudder at the idea. However, I can still vividly remember many evenings as a boy sitting around the table as a family reading God’s Word and praying together. It formed so many aspects of my spiritual walk. I shudder at the idea of what I would be like if that never happened! We can’t let these fears stop us from our God-given role as husbands and dads.

Today I want to share a tool with you that just might help! Men, we know we are called to spiritually lead or “pastor” our homes, don’t we? But it can be hard to find tools that help us make this happen. This year a short book came out called Family Worship by Donald S. Whitney. I would encourage every one of you to take an hour and read it. It really is that encouraging, helpful, and doable.

Whitney starts by outlining a biblical case for leading our homes in family worship and tracing examples of such leadership through church history. It can be so tempting to leave the spiritual development of our children up to the church or a club like Awana. These are great and help, but God has designed the home and specifically dad to lead the way in this teaching. The church simply doesn’t have the time or access you do as a parent. I love how he puts it when he says, “Moreover, it is unlikely that exposure to the church once or twice a week will impress your children enough with the greatness and glory of God that they will want to pursue him once they leave your home.” I have seen that to be true through many years of ministry. The home is the best place to teach and model a dynamic relationship with God!

He goes on to trace family worship throughout the Bible. We see in Deut. 6:4-7 the commands for parents to teach their children God’s ways as they go through every part of life. Family worship is an intentional and consistent way to help accomplish this. “The best time for parents to teach the things of God to their children on a consistent basis when all their children are present would be during a time of family worship.” In Joshua we see a commitment to the spiritual health of his family when he says, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Josh 24:15) The Psalmist in Psalm 78 says, “which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children.” In Eph. 5, Paul instructs husbands to love their wives and be a model of Christ and the church by spiritually leading them. Then in 6:4 he brings children into it by saying, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” God’s Word sets the bar, and men, we can do this!

For me, chapters 3-5 were very helpful as they gave a doable way to accomplish family worship and helped answer some of the common questions about it. I’ll give you the three syllables to remember, but still read the book! Read, Pray, Sing. That’s it! Read a section of the Bible with your family, sing a worship song or two with them, and pray with them. Yes, be ok with answering questions and talking through each item, but you don’t have to prepare a 45 minutes sermon or have PowerPoint ready. Read, Pray, and Sing. We can do this! Matthew Henry said, “They that pray in the family do well; they that pray and read the Scriptures do better; but they that pray, and read, and sing do best of all.” He gives some other ideas if you want to add other things in, but urges us to focus on those three words. We are also reminded to be brief (yes, 5 to 10 minutes), regular, and flexible. I came away not feeling guilt for the nights my family doesn’t get to it, but motivated to keep trying and fitting it in.

So what do you say men? Let’s pursue this. Get a copy of the book and read it, then let’s make this happen together. If you don’t know where to pick up a copy, let me know and we’ll get some at Village. If you aren’t doing any family worship, start by targeting one or two times a week. If you already do several times a week, target one more night a week. Let’s lead our wives and pour a passion for God into our children. Let us know how it goes!

I’ll end with some of Whitney’s questions for us to consider.

  • What better way to speak the gospel into your children’s lives every day?
  • What better way to provide a regular time for your children to learn the things of God from you?
  • What better way to provide your children with an ongoing opportunity to ask about the things of God in a comfortable context?
  • What better way for you to transmit your core beliefs to your children?
  • What better way for your children to see the ongoing, positive spiritual example of their parents in real life?
  • What better way to provide workable, reproducible examples to your children of how to have a distinctively Christian home when they start a home of their own?
  • What better way for getting your family together on a daily basis?

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Authentic Manhood

Posted on July 28, 2015 by Pastor Ron

33theseries1Men, we will be hosting volume 1 of the Authentic Manhood series this fall at Village! This will be a six week course designed to equip us to be the men God designed us to be. Check out the details and dates here! I look forward to seeing many of you there.

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Men In a World That Needs Jesus

Posted on June 26, 2015 by Pastor Ron

As we read the news today, we are reminded that we indeed live in a fallen world where biblical values are under attack. . . much like they have been since the fall in Gen 3 and as we have been studying in 1 Corinthians. The affect of sin always attempts to redefine truth as the serpent did in his first deception. I say this because I want to remind us that the fallen world is not new and our God is still on the throne. Five justices did not change that today, nor can they ever change that.

Remember a few things: 1) Our citizenship is a heavenly citizenship! and this world will eventually pass away to be replaced with a new heaven and earth. 2) We are called to be salt and light to this dark world as long as God has us here. Do not give up! The darker things are, the more opportunities for light to be seen. 3) Jesus is the answer for all sin including yours and mine. This is our focus, “How can we share the good news of the Gospel with a fallen world?” 4) Love those you engage the discussion with. “Let all that you do be done in love.” 5) Pray for our leaders 6) Pray for our leaders 7) Pray for our leaders. I challenge you to spend as much time today in prayer for our leaders as you do discussing the ruling.

Below are a couple of articles that help us think biblically and remember our biblical responsibilities from men who have given much time to thinking through this issue. I encourage you to read them. Men, let’s live godly lives together in an ungodly world.

1 Cor 16:13-14 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.

http://erlc.com/article/erlc-president-russell-moore-announces-evangelical-statement-on-marriage

http://news.sbts.edu/2015/06/26/mohler-responds-supreme-courts-same-sex-marriage-decision/

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Purity Principle: Ch. 10 – Confession, Accountability, and Counting the Cost

Posted on June 19, 2015 by Pastor Ron

purity-principle-52As we come to the last chapter of the Purity Principle, Alcorn fittingly wraps things up with a call to confess and receive God’s forgiveness if we have failed, repent, and take the appropriate steps to actually put these principles into practice. All of our best intentions and agreement with the book to this point are worthless if we do not put them into practice!

Alcorn starts by discussing confession and repentance.  “We dare not postpone confession.”  How true! If we wait to respond and repent, then we are allowing sin to maintain a foothold. Prov 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Confession and repentance is more than just saying “sorry” though and going back to the sin. True repentance is turning from the sin and from anything leading to the sin! Alcorn challenges us to make decisions that don’t even expose us to the sin. This whole section is so true and so neglected by men. We all rationalize far to easily, don’t we men? Let me quote the entire section.

“But I can’t help the first look.” Sometimes that’s true. But choosing to go to a beach full of women in bikinis, then saying “I can’t help the first look” is rationalizing. Going to a movie and having to look at the floor is better than watching. But it’s smarter to leave . . . and smarter yet not to go in the first place. Repentance means not just turning from impurity, but keeping ourselves from where we’ll have to turn.

Men, let’s really stop rationalizing and start killing off temptation, not just the sin.

The next few paragraphs give a helpful reminder that God really forgives sin and cleanses us. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Men, if you’ve blown it, God will forgive. He will give renewed purity and secondary virginity if you are single. He is a God of grace and forgiveness if we repent and seek Him.  Praise God!

In his section on seeking accountability, Alcorn renews his call for men to be in accountability with other men – real accountability that asks tough questions. Sins of impurity will grab us and twist our thinking if we don’t have others holding us to our commitments. He makes an excellent point that even the type of friends we are around affect us. “Surround yourself with friends who raise the moral bar, not lower it.” Even those friends who are not in an accountability relationship with us are affecting our moral strength. His question, “Who are your 911 friends?” is an important one. Do you have someone that you can call day or night when in temptation? That takes sacrifice on both sides, but it’s worth it.

Finally, in the section on counting the cost, we see that thinking through the consequences of impurity is a powerful deterrent.  Alcorn shares a list of consequences that are worth reading regularly to help us see the real consequences of porn or unfaithfulness. I’ve personalized it to use as an example.

What would adultery do?

  • Drag in the mud the reputation of my Lord.
  • Make me have to look into His face one day and tell Him why I did it.
  • Cause untold hurt to Susie, my loyal, wonderful wife and best friend.
  • Forfeit Susie’s respect and trust.
  • Permanently injure my credibility with my beloved daughter Alicia and two sons Mark and Jeffery. It would destroy my example and teaching encouraging my sons to become godly men.
  • Bring great shame to my family.
  • Inflict hurt on my church and friends, especially all those I’ve ministered to.
  • Bring an irretrievable loss of years of witnessing to relatives and friends.
  • Bring pleasure to Satan, God’s enemy.
  • Possibly give me a sexually transmitted disease, posing a risk to Susie.
  • Lose my self-respect, discredit my name, and invoke lifelong embarrassment upon myself.
  • Put a barrier in my walk with God and dependence on Him opening myself up to falling in a number of other areas.

It’s not worth it. It is devastating. Resist the temptation men. Turn off the computer if you have to. Cut avenues of porn if you have them. Turn the eyes away. Don’t be in close friendships with women other than your wife. Stop enjoying watching immorality and treating it as entertainment. May our hearts be pained by what pains Christ. Let’s commit to purity and enjoying the wonderful fruit of a life of integrity and following Christ.

Purity IS worth it!

1 Cor 16:13 “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

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Purity Principle: Ch. 9 – Guidelines for Couples and Parents

Posted on May 16, 2015 by Pastor Ron

purity-principle-52In this chapter, Alcorn gives numerous very helpful ideas for protecting our marriages and our children. There were so many that I found myself highlighting almost every sentence! I thought I’d present some of his ideas in list form for this chapter to help us think about them and use this as a reminder tool. He raises an appropriate alarm flag when he says that “A relationship can be inappropriate long before it becomes sexual.” Here are some of the ideas and safeguards.

Guarding Your Marriage

  • Beware of seemingly innocent secrets that you share with someone other than your spouse.
  • At work, surround yourself with reminders of your spouse and children.
  • When away, call frequently.
  • Speak highly of your spouse. Never let anyone hear you degrading them.
  • Don’t share marriage problems with members of the opposite sex unless it is a professional counseling setting.
  • Pray with and for each other.
  • Take care of your physical health. This can affect temptation weakness.
  • Be as attractive to your mate as you can. Be modest with others in public, and sexy with your spouse in private — never the opposite.
  • Work hard to bring your spouse into your world.
  • Listen to one another.
  • Train your eyes to turn away from stimulating images and fix them upon your spouse. When your sex drive is activated, lock it on your spouse.  Amen!
  • Treasure your marriage partner.
  • Get help when you need it.

What a great list of practical ideas to help guard our marriages from impurity!

Raising Pure Childrenfamily

  • Sometimes our children may fail to listen to us. Rarely will they fail to imitate us. Men, think about the example you set with what you look at, say, and how you cherish your wife.
  • Show our kids a loving, affectionate, and pure marriage.
  • Teach them self-control in other areas as well.
  • Do not allow private, unmonitored internet access. This includes from a computer, phone, gaming unit, tv, etc.
  • Help screen your children’s clothing. Explain why to them.
  • Make sure you are the one to teach your children about sex. Alcorn says, “Speak of sex not just as biology, but in the context of values, responsibility, and marriage.”
  • Know your child!
  • I would add to memorize some verses on purity with them

These are just a few ideas under each category, but it gets us going. Men, let’s make this important enough to follow through!

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Purity Principle: Ch. 8 – Guidelines for Singles

Posted on April 17, 2015 by Andrew Gilmore

The last chapter was Getting Radical, and this chapter begins the final section of the book, which could be called Getting Practical. Here, Alcorn gives guidelines to help us take the principles we’ve learned so far and figure out how to really put them into practice.

Risking isolating singles (although the next chapter is for couples and parents), Alcorn honestly takes aim at a burgeoning segment of the American population by pleading for disciplined guidelines. He also doesn’t shy away from drawing some lines, including logically deducing that since sexual intercourse outside of marriage is sin, then so is foreplay that “designed by God to culminate in sexual intercourse.” I think he’s right that this isn’t legalistic! If our chief concern is not to have too many restrictions, then of course this smacks of legalism. But if we are aiming at purity to obey and glorify God, then it just makes sense to do whatever it takes to not initiate something that will likely lead to sexual intercourse. Of course, this means being honest with ourselves and with others.

Alcorn insists on choosing friends wisely before closing the short chapter with some pointers for dating, starting with the fact that it’s an option to date, not a necessity. Despite the social pressure looming all around us, we shouldn’t jump into something that is largely shaped by media and immature expectations! The pointers come from a 16 page list Alcorn and his wife developed for their daughters and their significant others! Here’s my favorites:

  • Focus on talk, not touch; conversation, not contact.
  • Avoid setups–never be alone: on a couch, in a car late at night, in a house or bedroom.
  • Beware of the “moral wear down” of long dating relationships and long engagements. Once young people and parents agree on marriage, it’s dangerous to wait longer than necessary (see 1 Corinthians 7:8-9).

Really, the best part of this chapter is that it even exists! Guidelines and rules are often despised and dismissed as outdated, restrictive and prudish. But instead we should think of them as guides to a goal: purity!

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Purity Principle: Ch. 7 – Getting Radical

Posted on March 31, 2015 by Pastor Ron

purity-principle-52Men, how far would you go to keep your wife from ingesting poison that would kill her? My guess is that we would do just about anything, even if it was inconvenient, to protect her. Nothing would get in my way! Alcorn’s question in chapter 7 is similar.  How far would we go to prevent sexual immorality from having any place in our lives? We’ve already seen how damaging it is. We’ve seen that it destroys lives around us. But are we serious about dealing with it? His title, “Getting Radical” refers to taking the sin of immorality so seriously that we are willing to take radical steps to prevent it from ever happening.

He begins with an important reminder of how the media not only desensitizes us to evil, but normalizes evil in our worldview. We watch things on TV and in the movies that we would be ashamed to be observing through our neighbor’s window. Somehow it becomes OK and we become entertained by it. In reality, we are feeding our lust. Albert Mohler posted this week, “The true test of our worldview is what we find entertaining.” When we are entertained by sexual content, or even suggestive content, we are opening the door to the rationalization of sin. Alcorn said, “Why are we surprised when our son gets a girl pregnant if we’ve allowed him to watch hundreds of immoral acts and hear thousands of sexual innuendos?” Think about the standard God sets in Eph 5:3-4.

Eph 5:3-4  3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.

I echo this chapter by asking, how do your favorite shows or the last 3 movies you’ve seen stack up to this standard?

I can hear the objection. I’ve thought the same objection. How then will I live in this world. I might have to be “radical” and give a bunch of things up. Alcorn takes us to the words of Christ to see just how radical Jesus challenges us to be.

Matt 5:27-30 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

The message . . . Do WHATEVER it takes to deal with sexual temptation. Get radical about it! Alcorn says, “The battle is too intense, and the stakes are too high to approach purity casually or gradually.” So what might that mean? It might mean cutting out many movies that we would normally watch, or unplugging the TV if we have to. He talks about having his wife cut pictures out of magazines before he looks to not even have the opportunity to lust. “STOP LOOKING. And then STOP PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE POSITION TO LOOK!” I remember my friends in High School and I having a pact to help each other keep our eyes from looking. Whenever anything inappropriate was a temptation, one of us would say, “Hey, look at those awesome light fixtures on the ceiling.” We were all held accountable to look up and not where our flesh wanted to look. Let’s commit to be radical about cutting out even temptations to lust.

Rom 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. 

I know many men struggle with the same temptations over and over and wonder if there will ever be victory. Alcorn says, “Remember, if you want a different outcome, you must make different choices.” AMEN! So what will you do differently to radically protect yourself? How will we keep from rationalizing junk we ingest? How will we guard our hearts . . . and our eyes? How will we control temptation from the internet? Personally, I follow his suggestion to have my computers in public places in the home where anyone can see what I am doing. How will you take control of the TV? Even the commercials! One of his final suggestions is to spend an hour reading the Bible, a Christian book, or in ministry for each hour you watch TV. What a great idea to make sure we are ingesting truth!

So how far will you go to stand for purity? Men, let’s not wimp out on this one. Get some other men to hold you accountable, or your wife. Hey, look at those light fixtures!

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